The first shag post husband exit stage left
Ok, so the first step in recovering from anything we are always told when we are kids and we fall over, fall off a swing or fall off our bike is to get straight back up and give it another shot. I have found this to be absolutely true where matters of the heart are concerned – well, not the heart so much but certainly the loins.

When you break up with someone it is always good to make sure you have sex with someone else as soon as possible, those are my words of advice for the young folk – as they say “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” and never truer words have been spoken I say.

So this was my mission – to get laid after the husband left with the chick with the great body and tight pussy. The real issue was, who would the victim be and how quickly could I make this happen???!!!

As I may have mentioned in previous instalments, I was really not in a great place at this time and really must not have seemed like a terribly attractive proposition, even for the sexually depraved, a hole in the ground would have probably been a safe bet for a fun night than yours truly during that time, at least you would know that there was no chance that you were going to be covered in spew in the throws of passion, or have you partner in crime pass out when on top of you – yes, I did do that, but that is a story for another day……

I felt that the best way to achieve my goal was to just let things happen, but when they didn’t and I happened to have a coffee one day with a great mate of mine who used to play AFL and is now an AFL coach, he said that he would certainly be able to find a volunteer to sort my little issue out, which was great news to me, as I believe there is not an athlete on this planet who has a better physic than an ALF player, and the mere thought that I was to get my grubby little paws on one of them, even for the most amazingly short amount of time was enough to keep me from swallowing a bottle of sleeping tablets that night!

So the first bloke he gave my number to contacted me when I was in a hotel room in some desolate little town in regional Victoria for work, I knew who he was and had actually worked with him so felt it was rather strange that my friend would have given him my number, hell would need to freeze over before I would shag this block, not only is he as ugly as a hat full of assholes, I don’t even like him and didn’t get along with him well enough to even have a short conversation, so I quickly informed my dating agent to improve the standards.

The next call I got was also of concern, although he lived local enough, he had been overseas for some time and I was worried because I was not able to check with anyone what he looked like, but I agreed to meet him for a drink, which I did after I had been at the pub with the girls and had once again taken full advantage of the $3 happy hour wines, its all class.

I met him, he was lovely, and completely hot, like smoking hot. This was good. There was absolutely not a spec of chemistry between us and that was also fine with me. After a fairly short amount of time, and after the football was finished I got up to leave, he asked if he could come with me to my place and I said that was fine, he did, and we did and the man had an amazing body, and my grubby little paws got very very grubby all night and all into the early hours of the next morning when I felt I needed to go to sleep and I told him to leave.

As for the sex, yeah, it was good enough, it certainly did the job, many times……..and he was nice enough, but possibly one of the dumbest people I have ever met, but also one of the best looking, and regardless of the fact that I actually had basically no physical or mental attraction to him whatsoever, I was extremely pleased that I was back on the horse! Well and truly back!!

I was recently trying to do a bit of a head count, and was actually trying to see if I could recall names as well, I didn’t do very well on either score, his name is certainly one I have long forgotten.

Interestingly however, I was recently struggling back from Coles in Richmond to my current lovers house, with my granny shopping trolley and my two crazy dogs and as I went under the underpass at the train station I happen to notice someone looking at Ardie with a strange look of familiarity! He then looked up at me and he realised, and so did I, it was quite funny that he remembered my dog before he remembered me, but then Ardie is fairly unforgettable!