Onwards and upwards Part 2

So my mood and life in general seem to be looking up. I have dates locked in for my first trip to London and also second trip I am planning as well. So this is something which is making me very excited and making me feel like this misery will not last forever!

I have finally have the acceptance that things with 'him' are over. I tried one last time to try to ask if we can talk to try work things out, but I had also hoped that even if we couldn’t work things out that we could at least have some closure and end this properly, and there was no response. Rejected again.

I spent Friday night with my beautiful friend Geraldine and after having dinner with her gorgeous girls and wonderful husband and the girls had gone to bed being in the environment once again further reinforced that this is the life I want, and that its won’t be happening with ‘him’.

We sat outside, having a wine and I told her of my last attempt to save things with 'him'. She has always been a huge supporter of us getting things sorted but after I told her that once again I was rejected, she held my hand as I cried and I said 'he’s not coming back is he?' and she just looked at me with the saddest eyes and shook her head and said 'no'. I cried. But then was acceptance.

The following day was sad. Dad came over we watched DVDs and ate curry and I slept allot and felt sad. Even though Collingwood did kick some serious Carlton arse which I must admit, did bring a mild smile to the dial! But the next day was a new day. A readiness to look forward and not think about the silly dreams anymore.

They were silly dreams. Dreams that I have now left behind because my self-esteem and confidence are so much improved when I’m not being told something is going to happen that never really is. I now realise I have been a puppet on a string, hoping and praying that 'he' means what he says. But now I know its too long. Love dies and resentment builds and the need to be loved again and shown love becomes overwhelming.

I am trying not to look back on the last two years and the sacrifices I have made as a waste, but at my age, lets face it, even my dad thinks it was, given my desire I have to have a family. Anyway, that’s the morbid part. The good news is that now I know its over I feel free to start my life again.

I woke this morning feeling alive again. I have done so much cleaning out of the garage which contains all my worldly possessions and includes memories I don’t need. And have made a roast! Like I used to make for 'him' on Sundays. But this time I am making it for my family. The people who will love me through thick and thin.