Confessions of the drunk and smokie

Purpose:
Recently it has become more and more evident that according to the “experts” I drink too much booze. Additionally there seems to be a popular belief now that smoking is not in fact good for you – even if you smoke menthols – I know, I find it hard to believe myself but that’s what “they” say, I just wish they wouldn’t say it quite so often because I am starting to believe it.

I can’t say that I am a problem drinker in the sense that factors in my life are adversely affected by the amount I drink or the regularity of my drinking, but I can say that I really really really look forward to a glass, well lets be honest, at least a bottle at the end of the day, which is accompanied by smoking, because the two just fit so incredibly well together and I simply do not do one without the other. You will never find me outside the building at work having a smoke, or in a café at lunch time or walking alone the street blowing smoke and ashing all over those unfortunate people walking behind me, but when a bottle of wine or a bottle of gin is cracked open a smoke must be lit, its just the rules.

So I firstly decided that the smoking was a huge problem, I have been smoking more often and more regularly than I would like to and I know it makes things I love doing like running, just that much harder and less enjoyable for me, but the habit is formed, if I try to have wine without the smoke I miss it.

I have also recently lost quite a lot of weight, and seem to be returning after a period of hiatus to a more normal size. The issue is that despite the exercise and diet being really very very good, there is little movement of the scales recently and I think it’s the booze.

Additionally I have been becoming more serious about starting a family some time in the not so distant future and have been wondering how I would possibly cope without my two most pleasured vices for not only the 9 months of pregnancy, but also in the lead up to ensure I was in perfect health and also in the period for up to 12 months where I would hope to be able to breast feed – this puts some real questions before me about what I would prefer – to have a family, or a bottle of wine and a packet of smokes that never runs out…….

More importantly, would I actually even be able to do it and to what extent is my “addiction” likely to influence my decision to have a glass (or a bottle) or wine every so often or just have a fag every now and then when pregnant as it ‘really couldn’t be that bad’…….and this is a likely scenario when I find it hard to make it to Wednesday without either – let alone several years!!

I don’t want to be the kind of mother that has to call a cab to take her kid to the hospital in an emergency because I have sculled a bottle of wine simply to get me through the day, and I certainly don’t want to be the kind of mother who smokes around her kids – sorry to those of you who do, its not a value judgement about you or your parenting, its just that I don’t want to do that.

So I have decided to set myself a challenge. I want to stop both smoking and drinking. I can drink on weekend but not combined with smoking and I need to drink more moderately, smoking is to be completely cut.
So I have decided to record my daily struggle via this blog. Perhaps it will provide inspiration, perhaps it will prove to be one of the reasons I stop, who knows – but here we go:

Monday 16 November 2009

Ok, so the first day of my challenge and I must admit that I had not fully committed to this challenge although broadly speaking I have wanted to not drink or smoke on school nights as a rule.

So got home, cleaned up and did some washing, David came home, we were to meet the builder, he arrived and after an hour or so of consultation he left. I needed to go to Coles to get a few things for tea and David went to the gym, but before doing so put a steak in the microwave to defrost. I was advised that this would take 7 minutes and that I needed to stay until the microwave was finished or it would keep beeping until I got back home, perfect! I could have a quick glass of wine and a smoke – which I did.

When preparing tea, I drank another glass of wine and when David was cooking his steak on the BBQ I topped up the wine glass and had a smoke outside, it was really nice out there – what will I do out there when I don’t have a glass of wine and a smoke in each hand!????

Glass of wine with tea, David had one too and after dinner I had just one last smoke and washed down the last of the bottle. Oh dear. It would seem that I have a long way to go. It would be fair to say that the first day of my challenge was not the success I had hoped it would be. But there is always tomorrow.