Living with Jimmy

Within a matter of days my world had completely changed forever, this is the part of the story I am yet to tell, at the moment even speaking of it is just too much for me to cope with without breaking down into a million pieces, but the devastation was incredible and inconceivable.
So after moving out from my house completely, boxing everything up and moving everything but the essentials into storage I began the move from one house to the next with and mostly without my dogs, for close to three months, not knowing if the issue I had created would be sorted and not knowing if my relationship would get back on track and I would be allowed to go home.
Finally the realisation that neither of these was going to happen any time soon, and the relationship not at all after taking such a huge beating from months of separation and destructive communication, hit me like a tone of bricks and I rung my uncle in tears and asked him to come and move me from the serviced apartment I had been occupying for the last two weeks and take me to his house to live on a permanent basis in Glen Waverley, so far from anything I know, anyone I know, but at least I would have my family around me and my dogs with me and not have to move again.
When my father emptied most of my storage unit into my uncles house yesterday evening and I looked around at all the boxes that contain my life I broke down and cried and screamed and wanted the slate floor to open up and take me to the centre of the earths core where there is no possible way I could be hit by anymore hurt.
‘What have I done to my life!!!???’ I screamed, ‘after all these years of working so hard and pushing shit up a hill to find my piece of happiness and it comes down to this????!!!’, I was totally uncontrollable ‘when is it my time to have some happiness??? When????!!! What did I ever do to anyone to have this be the way my life is no??!!’.
My father and my uncle both looked on while I screamed and yelled and neither of them said a word. They both looked at me as if they knew what I was going through and they knew this feeling well, as they have both been through it. My fathers eyes were sad, he realised, as I did in that moment that there is no escaping who you are and what you are born into and in tern where that will lead you.
I come from a long line of hard working, determined people with solid working class roots. My grandmother would always say that it was important to keep your house clean, yourself well groomed and no matter what was going on in your life you just get up every day and you go to work and you don’t let whatever the universe is throwing at you stop you from just getting by.
My family, despite their hard work and determination have never had the opportunity to enjoy anything or live the lives they should have had, I was going to change all of this. Bitter divorces, drug and alcohol abuse and general lack of financial management have resulted in them just getting by, never holidays, no travel, no getting to experience the world and oh how I wanted to change this.
I have not had a holiday in more than 8 years. I have travelled overseas briefly on my honeymoon the once and that’s it. Selling my house and freeing me from the restrictions of this was going to change all of that. I was going to see the world, live a bit, love a lot someone I was excited to start a family with and share every special moment of that with and to really enjoy life and living and not just get by.
But it was this moment last night when I realised that this is not my destiny, this is not where I have come from or what is in my future, you just can’t change you who are. But you can accept it, get up every day, go to work well groomed and change your hopes and dreams to fit your reality, and this in itself is how you find acceptance and piece of mind, and perhaps at one stage then you might think about smiling again.