Dating

So the all important new phase of life has begun. Dating again. How depressing.

After thinking I would never have to go through this again, never have to be naked in front of anyone else again, I am slowly coming to terms with it and am quite looking forward to literally “getting back on the horse” again. Mainly because its been quite some time between drinks!

So the first date was, well, lets just say – not that great. Basically I was walking home one evening and a man with a gorgeous dog was walking towards me, I patted the dog and the man asked me if I had seen a roaming Labrador, he explained that he had lost the dog and was really quite distressed about it. I said I hadn’t seen the dogs, but he showed me where he lives and I said I would certainly return the dog if I happened to see it.

So we walked and chatted a bit, me walking home and him talking about how his dog has a tendency to take itself off at times for a little stroll and although he generally comes back he was and does get very worried about him when he’s gone. I related to this and talked about my dogs and how panicked I get if they ever so much as leave the room and I can’t fine them!

We parted ways and to my surprise the following Friday afternoon I was visiting the local Dan Murphy’s and waiting for my uncle in the car park to pick me up when the same bloke I had met a week and a half before came up and asked me if I needed a lift home, he reminded me who he was and that we live right near each other and that he would be happy to drive me home, I thanked him and we chatted a bit more and I was blown away by how lovely he was. My cousin then pulled up to take me home so I didn’t need a lift but he made me promise to meet him the next day for lunch. Which I did.

It turns out that he is lovely, but too short, not enough hair, recently separated, drives a family moving van of some description and wore running shorts on our date – lets just say that he was fun but I don’t think he will get any runs on the board with me!

So in order to continue on with this theme of taking my mind off my broken heart I am going to a singles ball this coming Saturday night, themed “Christmas in July” and am hoping to stand under some mistletoe with a handsome stranger. Failing that I am reactivating my RSVP account (lord help me!!) and have a number of friends setting me up on blind dates – which can only lead complete humiliation or another good blog story!

I spent much of yesterday going through my boxes and cleaning out everything that I bought for my life with the ex. I cried as I did it. I cried so much and so hard that at times I never thought I would stop.

I got rid of everything. Photos, Tupperware, pictures, kitchen stuff and everything I thought would help make our house a home, everything.

There is still so much a part of me that wishes that he would change his mind about this. He tells me he loves me, he even bought a house on the weekend that last week he said that he wanted us to live in. But then he buys the house and the reality of it hits and he and I both know he can’t commit. He just can’t do it.
I do still think he was my sole mate. I know that nobody understand and inspires me like he does, but when it all comes down to it, its simply not enough. You can love someone, or say you love someone all you want, but if you can’t even see them, if the thought of seeing them brings your dread, which he says it does, then there is nowhere to go is there……..