Moving on

The life changes have begun.

I have resigned my position within the public service and have decided to take my life in a completely different direction. Soon I will be taking down the photos from my desk that remind me of happier times that are long gone and will never be relived and these will be destroyed. Then I will stop coming to the same building I have been coming to for many years and move onto something new, different and where new memories will be created.

My first step is to travel for a while. I think somewhere warm to begin with then London for a while to see my best and most amazing friend who promises to show me the best and happiest times of my life. With him I will travel for a while and will also do some adventuring on my own.

When I return from the globe trotting I will be taking on the task of learning a friends business from the ground up with the goal of taking on a share of the business for myself and working like mad to make it a raging success.

I am excited to be going to work with my friend, doing something completely different, having more time to do some more travel as well as do all the things I never seemed to find the time or energy to do before, I want to learn pottery for a start and I am sure I will think of many other things to fill my time.

I am planning to purchase a small holiday shack in one of my secret and favourite locations where I can spend endless hours with my dogs, reading, writing and kicking back – something I have not yet mastered the art of doing, but certainly plan to!

I will need to move and find some sort of a more permanent home in a few months so have been chatting to an ex-boyfriend about the possibility of sharing a house – I am sure this will make for some interesting time and certainly some interesting blogs! Certainly not where I expected to find myself at this point in my life and I am still filled with sadness about what I have lost but I am trying to stay focussed on the exciting times to come.

I am scared and excited all at once about the travel, the inevitable random sex, the new job, the unpacking of my things and settling into a new house with Tim and the discarding of pictures, items and memories from my previous life, its time to move on but the thought of this still breaks my heart.

Most of all I think I am sad that we never really finished thing off properly. Closure will be hard to achieve because we never saw each other to make the decision, we never even really spoke. It makes me sad that I meant to so little to this person I loved and who I thought loved me that I didn’t even get to say goodbye the way you should.

So the best thing to do I guess is to consider that the person has died and grieve for them as if they walked out one day and just didn’t come back, and knowing that you will never see that person again I guess this makes some degree of sense – but how do you find sense in such a senseless situation where the fallout from a small mistake changes the course of your whole life?? I don’t really know but this is what I am trying to do…..make some sense of it and try to move onto the next phase of my life and forget that this ever happened.