Love never fails us

I read the phrase "love never fails us" a few days ago and spent some time contemplating this. "Love" in itself is an interesting concept. I certainly believed that my first experience of love, or being in love, was with "the ex", and often wondered why it had actually taken so long before I had ever felt this feeling before, given that I have had a number of relationships and certainly have been hurt before by the ending of them, and have been married to a wonderful man who certainly deserved to be loved by me.
I have always had an enormous amount of love for my family, and most definitely for my dogs, and I can't say for a second that my lack of "falling in love" was a result of any childhood issues, like not being shown love towards me or not having witnessed it for myself between a "couple". My father certainly loved my mother, and I have happy memories of him showering her in love....I guess when I think back on that though, I don't have any memories at all or her showing him any love, I never thought so at the time, but with the benefit of hindsight, it was probably a very one way street as far as their relationship was concerned.
I was discussing this concept of "love" within relationships with my shrink recently and described my grandparents relationship as "codependent, alcoholic, dysfunctional but still full of love to me" and my shrink stopped me and said 'what you have just described was your own relationship with "the ex"' - and I realised that this was actually probably true.
It was this realisation that also made me aware of why this break up has been so hard for me, other than the financial loss and the betrayal of trust which obviously has a huge impact......it was the fact that it was not actually "love" at all that I was experiencing here, it was something I felt was safe and familiar, but not in any way good or loving or positive - once again, the universe seems to have saved me from something, even if it was actually very painful at the time.
After much consideration I realised that I have actually never been in love. Considering the saying "love never fails us" has probably a little to do with that realisation, because it certainly failed me badly! But when I think of "him" now I have no feeling at all towards him.
I certainly feel happy for various ex's who have moved onto wonderful relationship, including my ex-husband who is now remarried and has recently had a little girl, I feel really happy and a degree of unselfish love towards him that he is so happy and that he is gaining so much joy from being a father and a loving husband, but for the ex who ruined my life? Well I just feel nothing, dead.
I'm certainly not angry, not sad. Just nothing.. Perhaps the hypnotherapy is working....but actually I think its bigger than that. I think I actually never loved him at all. I try to think about what my reaction would be if he died some horrible death.....or was injured in some horrible accident - and still nothing.
So why did I think he was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life? Why did I think I wanted to have a family with him? Why did I think he was the first person I had ever had feelings of love for?
I have tried to work this out in an attempt to make sure that I don't make the same mistake again. I have a feeling that the reasons for my feeling that this person was my soul mate was to do with the fact that he is a fairly lost soul as well, and that our relationship did actually resemble so much of my grandparents relationship that it provided a familiarity that I was comfortable in, and for that reason, realising that I am too a lost soul, I thought for a time that we were great, magical and amazing together, but with the reflection of life and the other things that happen, I guess you start to realise that whilst we were two lost souls, he is lost in a different manner to me, my care and affection was certainly (much like my fathers towards my mother) a one way street, and my attempts to try to salvage "something" even if that were only to remain friends as we had been before are no successful because he actually doesn't have the capacity to feel anything.
Even if I can recognise now that I was not in love with him, and that I actually don't care at all what happens to him, there is still a part of me that wants him to be happy and to have a great life, and certainly I have always been honest with him, honest as I could be with my feelings as I knew them to be at the time.
I am not sure that he has that capacity though, I will wonder for some time I expect in an attempt to work out how his mind and feelings work....I know that he can not be honest and true and certainly not relied upon, but the rest of what happened and what remains is a complete mystery to me and will probably be so for the rest of my days.
So does "love never fail us"?.....I don't know, I am yet to find out, but with a decision to not date or become emotionally involved with anyone again then I guess I will never know!